Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Dear Nolan... You're ONE!

My sweet son...

It's hard to believe a whole year ago tonight I went into labor with you.  When I think of that night - your daddy at work, Gramz fumbling with the gate to get upstairs to see me, Pops driving me to the hospital, Dr. Harrison miraculously being on shift, the nurse breaking her wrist, contractions, pushing for just a few short minutes... then you, your warm, beautiful little body on my chest.  Some of the happiest moments of my life.

Tonight, as I rocked you to sleep for the last time before you're one, my mind flooded with memories of the last year.  The hundreds of times I have rocked you, sang 'You are my Sunshine', slept in that chair so you could be upright to help your breathing, the hours I spent in the car with a broken heart listening to you cry, the thousands of diaper changes, the snuggles, the kisses... and my most favorite, that smile.  Oh, Nolan... your smile.  You have the most radiant smile I have ever seen.  It's genuine, and I can't help but smile, too, when you flash those big blue eyes.  This year has been filled with a profound amount of love because of you.  I completely underestimated how overwhelming it would be to love a son like I love you.

This last month has been a big one.  We celebrated your 1st Christmas, you met Santa a few times (you weren't too impressed), you opened presents, tried new foods, we took a spontaneous trip to Disneyland, you started taking steps (7 in a row is your record), and spent lots of time with family.  This month you have really fallen into a routine of sleeping, and besides the occasional time we have to sneak a paci back in your mouth, you sleep through the night for 12 hours.

As much as I didn't want to, we also stopped breastfeeding this month.  You took formula for the first time about 3 weeks ago, and within the last 2 weeks have been exclusively on formula.  Tonight you made the switch to milk, and you did very well with it.  You are still eating very well for us.  You love pasta, yogurt, waffles, fruit - all fruit, but especially bananas.

For Christmas, Santa came a little early to our house because daddy had to work, then we celebrated with daddy's side of the family at our house.  You got lots of new presents and Santa brought you a Thomas the Train Roller Coaster, which you loved!  On Christmas Eve, we went to Gramz and Pop's house and had a big breakfast together and opened presents.  Then we went to Christmas Eve night with the Z family.  Christmas day was very mellow.  We stayed with Gramz, Pops, and your cousins and played with new toys.  This season was so special with you.  You really loved the Christmas tree and lights.  And you were a natural at opening presents.

Daddy and I don't think you've grown a ton in the last month.  You're still wearing 12 and 18 month sized clothes.  You are in a size 4 diaper.  We measured you the other day and you were about 29 inches tall, and I estimate that you are about 22 pounds, but we will know for sure at your doctor's appointment on the 30th.

You love your toys - especially figurines, balls, and anything with wheels. You love your paci and have really gotten attached to your special blankets from Gramz.  She had to get a couple more for you because you're starting to love them so much.  You've really been babbling more this month and you are saying "ma ma" and "da da" more often.  You're taking steps and standing all by yourself, but you still prefer to crawl.  You love to play peek-a-boo and will sometimes start playing it randomly, which makes us laugh.  You also clap your hands when we sing.  You give high-fives, wave hello, and you are doing so much better in the car!  You also are very good at sharing, especially food, which is so cute!

Nolan, I have never seen a baby love someone as much as you love your Pops.  You and him really have a special connection, and the thought of it almost brings me to tears.  He is hands down your favorite person on the planet.  When pops is around, you refuse to go to anyone else.  If daddy or Gramz try to take you from him, you tuck your head into his neck and grab on tight to his shirt (sometimes you even snub me!).  If he has to set you down or leave the room, you whine until he comes back.  You love to snuggle him, lay on his chest, and at Christmas Eve, Gramz and I looked over and you were just randomly giving him kisses.  The relationship you two have is truly sweet.  He absolutely adores you and I think you may have a little of him in you, and I am so grateful.  (We think you may even be left handed like him).

I am not sure if you will ever read through these letters that I have written to you over the last 12 months.  They may be a little repetitive, but I don't want to forget a single thing.  If you are reading this, years from now, I hope you can feel my love.  Nolan, I am so unbelievably proud to be your mom.  I'm proud of you, proud of your smile, your sweet soul, and your sense of humor.  You truly bring so much joy to my life.  My wish for you is that you're kind, happy, surrounded by a supportive tribe of family and friends, and you follow your heart.  Believe in yourself... even just looking at your compact little body, I already know you're capable of so much.  Don't sweat the small stuff, stay positive and optimistic, be confident and know that your dad and I are always here for you... no matter what!!  The world is yours... work hard, set goals, and enjoy it!

I love you to the moon and back, times infinity.  Happy 1st Birthday.  Your first year of life has been one of the best of mine.  I rocked you to bed tonight for an extra long time, kissed your forehead, and listened to you breathe.  I wish so badly that I could freeze time, but I can't, so I am going to hold on tight and enjoy the beautiful ride of witnessing you grow, change, and blossom.


Rocking you to bed tonight.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Dear Nolan... You're 11 months old!

My squishy, cuddly baby boy,

11 months old!  How is it possible that you're approaching one year old?  When I think back to the last 4 weeks, many things stick out... but especially how cuddly you are.  You are like a little koala bear.  You grab on to shirts and hug us.  It is one of my favorite things ever.  You are also becoming more and more mobile.  You have taken a step here and there, but for the most part, you stick to crawling because you are much faster at it.

We celebrated your first Halloween and you were a little pumpkin.  You were very mellow about being dressed up (except you would not keep the hat on) and rode around in the stroller with out much of a fuss.  We celebrated at the Spooktacular in Town Center, then went trick or treating with family friends.

In the last couple of weeks, we moved!  It was a big transition for us all, but you did so well at adapting.  We had lots of help from Gramz and Pops while we were moving to make sure that we could get your room all set up and comfortable before you came home for our first night in the house.

You are still very attached to us and close family.  You are starting to get better at going to other people, but usually you reach back for us after a short time.  You are constantly throwing your head back... I think it may have something to do with you teething, but you also like the thrill of falling backwards.

You and Andie are interacting more and more all the time.  She is very clingy to you sometimes and occasionally underestimates her strength, and you do a very good job of being tough.  I think you two will have a very special relationship.  Both of you got your first haircuts together this month, and you look so much older with your shorter hair!!  I can't believe how much you've changed.

You are wearing size 12 month and 18 month clothes and a size 4 diaper.  In the last month, you have started doing much better at sleeping through the night.  You have gone several nights with out waking up, but you still are up a couple times during the week for help finding your paci or a snack.  But how could I say no to your beautiful blue eyes and koala bear hugs.  You are truly irresistible.

You are a huge eater!!  You eat almost as much as I do and you aren't picky.  The only thing you don't really care for is eggs.  You still love all of your fruit and vegetable purees, but you also eat everything we eat and prefer to feed yourself.  When you are hungry, you're very impatient.  You will yell and scream at us while we are preparing food until we get it on your tray.

You love your blankets from Gramz and you snuggle and hold them while you sleep. You also love your paci.  Your favorite toys are books, a Christmas train, and anything with wheels. You don't like getting your diaper changed, but we are getting creative with distractions.  You are doing much better in the car, and I am so grateful for that!

You are babbling all the time.  You say "ma ma ma" and "da da da" sometimes when you're reaching for us.  You are very mellow most of the time and a very happy baby.  We did the big Z family Thanksgiving celebration and you were a little uneasy with all of the people.  You didn't want to be set down and would only let daddy, Gramz, Pops, or me hold you.  You are most comfortable in the surroundings you are used to.

We did our annual Christmas Tree hunt this year in Apple Hill and it was so much fun to have you there for your first trip.  It is one of my favorite days of the year and we have many special memories there.  We had so much fun hiking around and picnicking together.  We picked out a great tree for our new little house and you love seeing the lights.  I am so excited for the Holidays with you this year.  It's hard to believe a year ago you were still in my belly.

We celebrated Thanksgiving a few times this year.  We went to daddy's work and celebrated with his crew and their families, we celebrated with your great grandma and great grandpa, Gramz, Pops, aunties, and cousins, and we went to Pacific Grove to celebrate with your Nana, Uncle Joe, Uncle Dave, and close family friend Carolene.  We definitely are all very thankful to have you - you are a huge blessing to our family!

I've been snuggling with you as much as I can lately.  You have the cutest little belly and body.  I love to pinch your cheeks and kiss your feet.  I am so crazy about you, my little Nolly Bear.  Daddy and I can't get over how sweet you are.  You have added so much joy to our lives.

I love you so much and I can't believe in one short month you're going to be ONE.  So much to look forward to in the coming month, this is a happy time of the year, and you make it even happier!!


Thursday, October 29, 2015

Dear Nolan... You're 10 Months Old!

My sweet Mr. Squishy,

10 months old.  Lovable, sweet, smiley, and the cuddliest baby ever!  Nolan, you have a smile that makes me melt, and every month I fall more and more in love with you.  I still look at your squishy little body and am amazed that you're my son.  Goodness, you make me so proud.

This month, you have really gotten comfortable on your feet.  You're getting more and more stable with standing.  You can hoist yourself up into the standing position from a toy or any piece of furniture and stay standing unassisted for long periods of time.  You are crawling, quite fast, everywhere you want to go.  You like to follow your sister around and watch what she is doing.  You also started standing in your crib when you're ready to get out.  I was quite surprised when I saw you standing up when I opened the door at the beginning of the month. :)  You're not quite ready to walk, but you have taken a step - and immediately fell over.  You are walking easily when pushing toys or chairs around.

You started taking baths in the tub with out the duck this month.  You love bath time, especially when the water is very warm, and you and your sister are sometimes in there for 20 or more minutes playing.  You seem to like playing with toys and splashing!

Much to my happiness, you are doing much better in the car.  You have been doing better for about the last 6 weeks.  You still have an occasional freak out when you get strapped in, but overall, it has been a huge switch from how it used to be with you in the car.  You also started sleeping much better this month.  On October 16th, you slept a solid 10 hours in your crib, which was your longest stretch ever!  Lately, you're going all night.  You still are up occasionally at midnight, or very early in the morning to have a snack.  Your dad and I can't believe how suddenly it happened that you started sleeping through the night.  You went from waking up 2 or 3 times, to just sleeping through.

You love to eat and are a very good eater these days.  You still eat lots of pureed baby food...but this month you made a huge jump into more and more solid foods.  You eat pretty much everything we eat, and you aren't picky yet.  You eat a lot of pasta, bread, veggies, fruit, beans, and some meat.  You like yogurt... and sweet potatoes are still a favorite of yours.  You really love feeding yourself the baby teething biscuits.  Usually, you require a bath immediately after eating because you manage to get it everywhere... your face, arms, belly, legs and hair!  You are still exclusively breastfeeding and eat about 4 times through out the day and if you are up at night.

You are wearing size 12 month & 18 month clothes and size 4 diapers.  You have 4 teeth and are working on getting 4 more (we think) on the top right now.  You are babbling like crazy and started saying "dada" this month.  I think you know I am "mama" and "dada" is dada.  When he facetimed us from work the other day, I showed you his face and you babbled out "dada".  It could be a fluke, but I think you know who we are.

We've taken a few trips to the pumpkin patch this month with your cousins and friends and are getting ready to celebrate your first halloween.  Even though you don't understand everything that is going on, I am enjoying dressing you up in your halloween themed stuff.

I can't believe it's already time to start thinking about your 1st Birthday party.  It's hard to believe how much you've changed and grown in the last few months.  You are truly one of the sweetest, most mellow babies.  I love and adore you so much.  You have such a precious demeanor.  You love being around your family, snuggling, and exploring.  I am so lucky to be your mama.  I love you through and through... yesterday, today, forever.

Your mama

Sunday, October 18, 2015

We're leaving our nest

I remember the first time we saw this house... we walked in and immediately fell in love with the feeling it gave us.  It was clean, bright, had beautiful views and seemed to be a perfect fit.  I remember picturing a line of tiny shoes in the laundry room, knowing which room would someday be a nursery, and imagined having family and friends fill the kitchen and living room.  We were so excited to move in.  I vividly remember seeing it empty on the day we got the keys and being amazed that we got to live here.  We only got this house because 2 other offers had fallen through and we were the back up.

A little more than 5 years later, and this home has been a blessing.  We brought two babies home from the hospital.  We've spent countless hours on the big shaggy rug in our living room with our kids - crawling, snuggling and playing.

One of my favorite things about this home is watching the rain fall.  I can see the drops in contrast to our neighbors house.  It is so quiet here.  The big windows have always given us a beautiful show of the dark clouds, lightening, and sunsets.  They've also provided us with beautiful natural light to take pictures of these babies... thousands and thousands of them!

On the walk from our room to theirs for the middle of the night feedings, I would peek out the windows at the lights.  It's always been a comfort for me.  I have felt safe here.  It's home to our little family.  So much life has happened in these big 4 walls.

About 4 months ago, TL and I found another house, a single story, that we really liked in a different area.  We put an offer on it, but didn't get it because we weren't competitive with a contingency of our house not being sold.  I hadn't even imagined moving... but something about this other house made me start thinking about something different.  It was a single story, smaller, and all of the rooms were near each other.  As fabulous as our house is, it's multi-level with big balconies with a long drop to the bottom.  Andie is now sleeping on a different level than us, and we don't have an accessible back yard.  Before babies, I never thought I would be nervous about a child falling over the railing, or needing a place to run outside with out worrying about cars.  Things change, life changes... and our needs are very different then they were 5 years ago.

So... we decided to list the house and see what happened.  And now, another young couple is purchasing it.  We've had so many second thoughts... how do you leave something you love so much?  It's been a roller coaster of decisions, but we've finally decided this is for the best.

Home is where my family is.  We are going to be renting for the foreseeable future and looking into the possibility of building a home.  It's crazy how life works out... how people come into our lives.  We bought this house from the builder who happened to be living here... we established a relationship with him because he has a reputable business and does a lot of things for people in our neighborhood.  And now, he may be building our next home as well.

I am not always a huge fan of big change.  I think this will be an interesting year for us.  Life is an adventure, and why not just say 'yes' and see what different things may be waiting around the corner.

We have found a potential lot we like... but lots of things will have to fall into place for us to build. It's so hard to imagine a home on the big pile of dirt and weeds.  Who knows where to road will take us.  Just as long as we are together, that's all that matters.  I want to start writing about our journey, as honestly as I can, to building our own home if things work out.

Now... who wants to come over and help me organize, pack, and box up our stuff?  I will provide the wine. ;)

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Dear Nolan... You're 9 months old!

My baby boy...

It's been a month of "mama", meaning you have become quite the mama's boy and I love it!  Currently, you will also go to your daddy and a few close family members, but the stage of stranger danger has set in.  I talked to your doctor today at your 9 month well check and she said it is totally normal.  I love seeing you reach for me and I have gotten pretty good at doing things with you attached to my hip.  You also started saying "ma ma" - and I will take that as your first word!!  I absolutely love this stage with you.  You are such a little love bug.

It has also been a huge month for you with crawling.  You started out the month lunging yourself forward and doing little army scoots - and now, within the last two weeks you are a full blown (and fast!) crawler.  Especially in the last 4-5 days you have gotten really fast.  I will set you somewhere to play and a minute later you will be across the room pulled up on anything you can find to stand.  You pulled yourself up to the standing position on your toy box on September 2nd for the first time.  You love standing and I can tell you are very eager to walk!  Andie has loved that you're getting a little bigger and more interactive with her.  You love to 'talk' to her and she makes you giggle!

Daddy and I left you and your sister with Gramz and Pops for our first over night trip at the beginning of September.  We stayed away for 2 nights and missed you like crazy.  When we came back, pops had taught you how to give high fives.  You changed so much in 48 hours... it was crazy!  You still love to snuggle with your pops.  He can always get you to sleep and sometimes you will just want to lay on his chest and "chill".  It is so adorable!

You love food, especially foods you can feed yourself.  I have started giving you little bits of everything we eat, on top of baby food.  You are eating less baby food now and more finger foods.  You still love vegetables, especially sweet potatoes.  You are still breastfeeding on demand through out the day and night.  You are not a fan of having your diaper or clothes changed.  You wiggle around and roll every time we try, which definitely keeps things interesting.  You are not the best sleeper - you're still usually up 2, sometimes 3 times a night.  But it's almost always a quick snack and you're back to sleep.  Occasionally I find myself hanging out in there with you in my arms rocking while you sleep because I love to feel you there.  It's crazy how quickly our bond has grown.

You took your second flight this month on our trip to Maui.  You did pretty well, except for a small stint on the flight home where you were really uncomfortable because of your teeth.  We were able to calm you down and you loved to play peek a boo with other people on the flight who were loving on you.  You seemed to like Maui - you enjoyed being in the water, taking naps on me by the pool and ocean, and going into the ocean.  Even though you won't remember this trip, I will always have fond memories of you there.  I danced with you on the lanai our first night there.  I closed my eyes and tried to just soak you in... I know this time is passing so fast.  And now I can always say I have your first Hawaiian dance.  We went with lots of friends and it was a fabulous trip!

Today you weighted 19 pounds 5 ounces.  You're only in the 45% for weight, but you are long, 2 feet 5 inches, which is the 68% for height.  You have started to lean out a little bit with all of the crawling and movement.  You are wearing mostly 12 month clothes and some 12-18 months.  You bumped up to a size 4 diaper this month.  You smile so easily and will giggle at almost anything.  You are going to need a hair cut soon - it's a whispy blonde color, I love it!  You have the most beautiful blue eyes.  And all I have to do is close my eyes and I can picture that stunning smile of yours.  You are truly an adorable little baby.  Your daddy and I both love how much you like to cuddle with us.  So often when we are holding you, you snuggle your head into our chest.  It makes us both melt.  There is just something about the way you feel in my arms right now - it's like you fit perfectly.  I really am loving this age with you.  You are so much fun.

9 months old.  My baby boy, you make me so proud.  I know I am not always the best mommy when I am splitting my time between you and your sister, but I hope you feel this intense love I have for you.  I go to sleep every night thinking of you guys... you truly fill me up with so much joy and love.

I love you to the moon and back times infinity.  And I will forever and ever.