In some ways, I miss feeling her in my belly - the movements, kicks, and life developing inside. But the joy of her being here is unlike anything I have ever experienced. It's truly a miracle, and when I look at her - my whole body is filled with love.
We've had a very busy week. The poor girl was slightly jaundiced, so we were back to the doctors office for the awful poke-her-in-the-foot-until-she-bleeds-a-ton blood tests. Thankfully, the levels dropped below the 'high risk' category on Friday, so we didn't have to go back this weekend.
We've also seen several sweet visitors. Andie has met many of our friends and family members. We love sharing her with others - we will always remember the strong support we've received from so many special people in our lives. Our neighbor, Carol, has cooked us lots of sweet desserts and a delicious homemade meal that TL and I devoured. Having her next door has been amazing!
What's been the best part of the week?
Holding her, staring at her, singing to her, reading to her. Seeing my husband be a daddy. I use the word "blissful" to describe my feelings about her first week home with us. I never understood that love could make me feel this way. Sometimes we lay her in between us and just stare at her and kiss her little hands and feet. We've also been known to "fight" over who gets to hold her :)
What's been the hardest part of the week?
+ I have had a couple moments where I have broken down crying... my hormones have made me a little more sensitive than usual (I am already sensitive) and the overwhelming thought of how quickly time passes has really been hard for me. Even if I just think about it, my eyes fill with tears. I want her to stay little so I can enjoy her and remember every detail of her. I was pumping and crying {multitasking} and TL sat with me and reminded me that each stage of her life will have something special. She had one night where she didn't want to go back to sleep and even though she was fussy and I was sleepy - I was happy as I reminded myself that I would someday want this time back.
+ I have been sore and had trouble getting an appetite. I know I need to eat well so I can make some healthy milk for her, but it's been tough getting my system regulated since her birth.
+ Because she's a peanut {she dropped to 5 pounds 10oz at the hospital} I have had lots of worry about her eating enough. I just want her to be healthy and have enough... luckily, when we met with the lactation consultant, I was relieved to hear that she gets enough milk - even though she may only eat for 5 minutes. But the worry is always in the back of my mind. I don't think "worrying" about her is going to go away. Ever. I think it's just part of my life now.
Memories that stand out...
+ Andie has a "Milk Dance" {with help from her dad} where she throws her hands in the air and moves them and sings "I want milk... give me my milk... I need milk". It's very amusing and funny at 3am. Or anytime, actually.
+ we've seen lots of smiles (probably gas, but we'll take them) and realized she has dimples while we were in the hospital.
+ my dad and TL gave her the first bath on her first night home from the hospital. It was special for me to watch because my dad loves babies and I know it was something I will remember forever.
+ we went on our first road trip to my sisters house - she lives about an hour and a half away - for her baby shower (YES, my sister is pregnant with a baby girl... due in August, YAY!). TL came along so he could stay with her while I went to the shower for a little while. On our way home, she got hungry - so we pulled over into an almond orchard to feed her. We both giggled when we thought of where we were and what we were doing. Oh, how life has changed. And we wouldn't trade it for anything.
+ we tried giving her a paci for the first time on Sunday. Every time we would stick it in there, she would spit it out. Finally she took it for a few seconds and while she was sucking on it, she was looking around, probably thinking "what the heck is this!?"
+ TL has been incredible. I expected he would be, but you never know until the time comes. He's up with us every night. Helped me get adjusted to bre*stfeeding, sat with me, changed all the diapers, and most importantly - his love for her is unlike anything. He is in awe of her. He's also been so good to me - reminding me how much he loves me and encouraging me every day.
+ one of my favorite memories from this week was seeing TL read her first book to her. It's the "I'll love you forever" book. He started crying after reading the first two pages. And by the 3rd page, we were both in a full blown cry while he read to her. We decided it was best to close that one up and leave it on the shelf for a little while. Since then, she's been enjoying some Dr. Seuss and more light reads.
All about Andie:
She's been a very mellow baby which we hear is to be expected because she is so new. She loves to look around when she is awake, and even though we know she can't see well, she scans the room and takes in what she can when we hold her. The first few days, she hardly cried. I actually asked the doctor if that was normal. Now, she is finally starting to get more vocal. She makes little noises and finally - she is letting us know when she is hungry. For most of the first week, we had to get her naked, tickle her feet, and change her diaper to wake her up to feed her. She makes lots of little noises, yawns, sneezes, and gets the hiccups at least a couple times a day. She can lift her own head to look around and loves to sleep on top of us.
I try not to think about the future at all right now. I just want to enjoy the present. TL and I are both fortunate to have some time with her away from work for a few weeks. We're still getting to know her, develop a little schedule, and even though I didn't realize it was possible, I am falling more and more in love with her every day.
Chubby cheeks - just like mom and dad when we were born.
Introducing our furbabies to Andie. They've done pretty well!
